Can’t Always Get What You Want
April 29th – May 1st, 1998
Joni sat in class trying to concentrate on her school work. She hadn’t been feeling too well all day; her stomach
seemed unsettled, and queasy. She couldn’t wait for the day to end so she could leave, pick up Kaitlynne and go home.
She still hadn’t told Kaitlynne or their aunt and uncle about her pregnancy. She had told Kyle, who promised to keep
it a secret, and to keep John away from her if he ever found out. She knew she had to tell her family, and she should have
told them when she first found out she was pregnant, but couldn’t find the strength or courage to do so.
The day finally ended, and Joni was first to leave her class. She got into her car, and promptly left the school to
pick up Kaitlynne. Kaitlynne noticed Joni looked a little bit unwell. She brought it up, but was told not to worry about it.
They got home, and Aunt Lynda was making lasagna. The smell brought back sweet memories for Joni, and she found herself
retreating up her bedroom to keep herself from making a fool of herself. She opened her bedroom window, taking a deep breath
of the fresh air, hoping that would calm her stomach. She only wished she knew why she felt so sick.
Aunt Lynda announced dinner, and everyone assembled around the dinner table. Joni was quiet as she usually was during
dinner. As she finished, her stomach felt worse. She left the table, and headed for the bathroom. She barely made it in there
before she let out all the contents of her stomach into the toilet. For a moment, she was confused. She couldn’t understand
why she was sick, until she remembered there was a baby growing inside of her. Of course; it was the “morning sickness”,
which was not occurring in the morning. At least if anyone asked her what was wrong, she could say it was dinner. She stayed
in the bathroom a little while longer before leaving, and retreating to her bedroom.
Kaitlynne came inside a moment later. “Are you alright?” she asked.
Joni looked up at her sister. “Yes. I think it was just something I ate,” she lied. She hoped Kaitlynne
didn’t catch the lie. She was not ready to tell anyone about her pregnancy yet. Not even Kaitlynne.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” Joni nodded, “I’m fine, Kaitlynne.”
“Okay.” And Kaitlynne left her sister alone.
Joni lay down in her bed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating whether or not to phone Isaac and
tell him about the sickness, just to receive some form of comfort. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Kaitlynne
would think it strange that her sister was sick almost every night. She reached for the phone, and dialed Isaac’s number.
Zac answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey, Zac, his Ike there?” Joni asked.
“Sorry, Joni, he’s not. Can I take a message?” Zac asked.
“Um…” Joni wasn’t quite sure if a twelve year old would understand her reasoning for calling.
But then again, he was the third born of seven children, so he had seen this mother go through the morning sickness.
“Is it about the…” Zac wasn’t sure how to word it. “About your pregnancy?”
Joni cringed inwardly. He understood everything too well. But she was glad for that. “Yeah, Zac, it is.”
“What is it? Is something wrong? I hope nothing’s wrong.”
Joni was flattered with Zac’s concern. “It’s nothing major, Zac,” she said. “I just wanted
to tell him I started the whole morning sickness thing…”
Zac fought back a small laugh. “Oh…”
“I know it’s stupid, but I have a feeling Kaity and my aunt and uncle are going to find out about it.”
“You haven’t told them yet?” Zac asked.
“No,” Joni answered. “I’m waiting for the right time. And I don’t know how to tell them.”
“Well, when they see you’re sick almost every day you’re going to have to tell them,” Zac said.
Joni sighed. “Yeah, I know.” There was a moment of silence. “Listen, Zac, can you get Ike to call
me back if he doesn’t get in too late?”
“Well, he’s at the studio laying down the guitar tracks for a couple of songs, so I’m not sure when
he’ll be home,” Zac said. “But I’ll be sure to tell him you called.”
“No problem,” Zac answered. “And if you need anything, my mom is always available. She’s had
seven kids, so she’s more than able to help you out.”
Joni couldn’t help but laugh. “I know. And thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah. Take care.”
The two hung up, and Joni fell asleep not too long afterwards.
The next two days were the same. Immediately after dinner, she was sick. Why did babies have to come with sickness
in the first two months of pregnancy? As difficult as it was, she was not going to get rid of this baby, despite the fact
it was John’s child.
Kaitlynne had been watching Joni’s many trips to the bathroom in silence, until she couldn’t keep her concern
in any longer. She knocked on her sister’s closed bedroom door. “It’s me.”
“Come in, Kaity,” Joni said. She sat up when her younger sister entered the room, still feeling ill from
Kaitlynne sat down on the bed, and got right to the point. “Joni, what’s wrong? You’ve been sick
every day for the past three days. What’s going on?”
Joni cringed. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Kaity would realize something was up. She wanted to
say there was nothing wrong, but she also knew that Kaity knew better. She adjusted herself so she was facing her sister.
“Do you remember that party at Kyle’s a month ago?”
Kaitlynne set her jaw. “Yeah, when that bastard took advantage of you.”
Joni didn’t shun her sister for cursing; she felt the same way. “Yes.” She paused. “Well, Kaitlynne…
I’m…” She wished this was easier to say. “Kaity, I’m pregnant.”
Kaitlynne froze. She blinked. “What? You’re what?”
Joni looked away. “I’m pregnant.”
“How far along?” Kaitlynne asked.
“One month now,” Joni answered.
“Is there anyone else who knows?”
“The Hansons, and Kyle. John doesn’t know, and he’s not going to find out.”
“What about Aunt Lynda and Uncle Jacob?” Kaitlynne asked.
“I haven’t told them yet,” Joni answered. “And I’m not ready to tell them.”
Kaitlynne nodded; she understood. She knew Joni hadn’t been ready to tell her just then. “When are you
going to tell them?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
Kaitlynne then suddenly laughed, and gave her sister a tight hug. “I can’t believe it! You’re going
to be a mother! Wow!”
Joni laughed. “I can’t either.”
A knock came to the door a minute later. “Joni?” It was Aunt Lynda.
Joni cursed under breath. “Come in.”
Uncle Jacob was behind his wife. “What’s this about you being a mother?” Lynda asked.
Joni sighed. There was no way out of this one. “I’m pregnant.”
Aunt Lynda and Uncle Jacob said nothing for a long moment. An awkward silence befell the room, one Joni didn’t
“I knew it,” Lynda spoke first. “I knew it was all too good to be true. It’s that Hanson boy,
isn’t it. He did this…And we trusted him. He was so sweet. How could we have been so wrong about him?”
“No, Aunt Lynda,” Joni cut in. “It wasn’t Isaac. It happened at the party I went to last month.”
She preceded to tell her aunt and uncle about the party.
Kaitlynne nodded in agreement. “I was at the party. Kyle came to get us, and told us what had happened.”
Lynda didn’t believe it. She wouldn’t believe her niece had gotten pregnant while at some party. “No…
It’s that Isaac. His kindness was just a cover up… he was trying to get you to trust him… and he did this.”
Joni didn’t understand. Why was Lynda blaming Isaac? “No, Aunt Lynda, you don’t understand. Ike would
never do anything to hurt me.”
Lynda would hear of it anymore. “No. You’re too young to have a baby. What would your mother say?”
Joni gave her aunt a hard glare, one Kaitlynne had never seen her give; Joni was getting angry and frustrated. “Don’t
you dare bring my mother into this! She’d be happy for me, unlike you, it seems.”
“You are not going to have that baby,” Lynda said.
More anger flared in Joni’s eyes. “Yes I am. I am not getting an abortion. I couldn’t do that. Aunt
Lynda, I have a baby growing inside of me. I’m not killing it.”
Jacob stepped in. “Joni, you’re seventeen. You’re too young. Who’s going to help you father
“Definitely not Isaac,” Lynda cut in. “If you want this baby, you’re on your own.”
“No, I’m letting Isaac father it,” Joni snapped. “I want him to.”
“You can’t always get what you want, Joni,” Lynda said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joni nearly yelled. “Don’t you give a damn about what
I want? I want Isaac to father my child. He has been there for me so much. He even took me to the doctor’s when I missed
my period. Isaac loves me–”
“If he loved you, he wouldn’t have taken advantage of you,” Lynda interrupted.
“He didn’t do this to me!” Joni yelled. Kaitlynne cringed. She rarely heard her sister yell. “I
told you about the party. It was John, it wasn’t Isaac. Why don’t you believe me?”
“I will say no more, Joni,” Lynda said. “You are not to see Isaac again.”
Joni’s anger turned to shock. “What? What do you mean I can’t see him? But I want to.”
Lynda shook her head. “You can’t always get what you want.” She started to leave the room, then stopped.
“You are not to see or hear from Isaac again. And you will also get rid of that baby.” She then left, her husband
Whatever respect Joni had had for her aunt and uncle was now gone. If they couldn’t respect the fact that she
was pregnant, keeping the baby, and wanted Isaac to father it, then she couldn’t respect them.
Kaitlynne and Joni sat in silence for a long moment, before Kaitlynne spoke up. “What are you going to do, Joni?”
Joni got up, and shut her door. She leaned her back up against it, and vented a few large sighs. “I don’t
know.” She sat down, her back against the door. “I want this baby, Kaity. I don’t care what Lynda says,
I’m giving birth to this baby.”
“But what about Isaac? You’re not allowed to see him.”
Joni sighed. “I guess I’ll have to see him when they’ve gone to visit their friends like they always
do. I just hope they don’t call here every hour looking for me.”
Kaitlynne sighed. She knew this was going to tear her sister apart. And she had just been getting the impression everything
was starting to get better. She began to wonder if Aunt Lynda would also keep her away from Taylor. She prayed she wouldn’t.
She didn’t know how long she could go without seeing the boy she loved so much.
Joni still felt sick, and this had made it worse. She yawned, then ushered her sister out of her room so she could
get some sleep. She was awake again at 2:30, and was suddenly craving a stiff drink. She knew there was some alcohol in the
bar in the basement. She got up, and quietly, as not to disturb anyone, went downstairs to the basement. She smiled when the
bar came into view. She brought out the Crown Royal and didn’t bother to grab a glass. She sat on one of the bar stools,
and took a swig of the whiskey. The alcohol felt good. She needed a break from everything. This was the only way she could